week 9 (feeling alone) 57-63 days

this was my first week back to work full-time. after keeping my spirits up while working 2 weeks part-time i thought that transitioning to full-time wouldn't be difficult. i made it through the morning just fine, went home at lunch to feed boo as usual and then burst into tears on my way back to work. my 2pm pumping didn't yield very much. i couldn't concentrate on my work. i left early and anxiously sped home. i was exhausted, overwhelmed and wondering how i was going to do this working mom gig.

boo decided it was a great time to have a growth spurt. at night she seemed to want to eat and eat and eat. i felt like i couldn't keep up with her. my letdowns felt so small and her crying broke my heart. i was worried i was underfeeding my baby. i was worried that my supply was decreasing. the fact that i wasn't expressing as much milk during my 2pm pumping as i normally do in the morning only added to my worry. now i felt overwhelmed at home as well as at work. thats when the fact that i'm alone set in. i have no friends or family that breastfeed or have ever breastfed for that matter. theres no one to ask advice from except my lactation consultant, susan. my world has been so baby related lately that i've managed to alienate the friends that i do have. boo's daddy is amazing and (half) listens to every little nugget that i spout out, but it's not the same as having a friend who's been there, done that. someone who understands how overwhelming breastfeeding can be; how guilty i feel about returning to work; the sense of loss i feel when i leave boo. in short, i need a boob friend. i decided to join a breastfeeding thread on babygaga.com. cyber friends would have to do for now.

in regards to my supply woes, i remembered when my freezer stash was ruined during week 8, i had emailed my lactation consultant and asked her how to add an extra pumping session to my schedule. in her response she had also sent me the following info on increasing milk supply.

1. Nurse as often as the baby will nurse. If you are back to work, try to really push feedings before and after work and nurse full time on your days off. If your baby is eating solid food, make sure that the solids are given only during the time you are not available to nurse and pump while you feed solids on your days off.
2. Pump for 15 minutes IMMEDIATELY after you finish nursing. Use a double pump (renting a hospital grade pump is helpful) for a full 15 minutes even if you are not getting any milk. Pumping is for the stimulation to the breast.
3. Pump after as many feedings as you can. Using a “hands free” pump bustier makes frequent pumping easier and decreases your tendency to watch every drop go into the bottle.
4. Pump right before bed for additional stimulation.
5. Take 2-3 Fenugreek capsules with each meal. Google “Fenugreek and Breastfeeding”. Fenugreek can be found at Whole Foods, GNC, and Lindberg Nutrition etc. Fenugreek takes about 4 days to show any effect at all. Do NOT take Fenugreek if you are pregnant. Some women will also take Fennel capsules (3 per day) along with the Fenugreek.
6. Some women feel that eating REAL oatmeal (not instant) daily will help supply.
7. REST – take a nap on your days off. Rest has a significant impact on milk production.
8. Take a long bath with your baby every evening. While in the tub, drink lots of fluids. When you get out, nurse and then pump.
9. Before pumping, take a small amount of vegetable oil and massage it into the entire breast. You do not need to “kneed” the breast- rather rub the oil in like you are rubbing lotion well into the skin. Rub over the nipples and areola.
10. Do ALL of the above, consistently for 14 days. Milk supply will vary from day to day and the more you worry about it the less you pump.
    

#7 stood out to me. rest. i miss rest. rest is good. i resolved to devote my weekend to resting and increasing my supply.

the week ended with boo's 2 months well baby check-up. she weighed in at 12 pounds, 6 ounces.